Ever had that feeling that nothing ever goes to plan and you try and work out where you went wrong? Yup, I bet you have, most people seem to have had this problem at some point, if not, at a lot of points along the road. Well I just had one of those, just a few moments ago.

I wanted to elaborate on it, as its supposed to be good practice to write down stuff when you feel bad, helps clear the air and all that.

I’m sure for many people out there, picking up the phone to speak to someone isn’t all that hard to do, in fact you probably pick up the phone without a second thought, it is an entirely different case with me. I have a phobia about phone-calls, making them and receiving them. You see, I get tied up with worrying about providing instant answers and making sure I ask the perfect questions, so much so that I end up getting tied up worse when I actually do speak to someone. So usually I’ll avoid phone-calls like a plague, I’ll leave it to you to decide whether or not that’s a good thing.

So, on with the story, I have a small part time job that I don’t think I want to make a long-term thing – but, in order to move beyond it I need to strike out and find something. So to this end, I broke out the old email job-alerts from various recruitment sites again and found a position which does appeal to me. Its the sort of position my new Certificate In Counselling Skills (look me all prideful) could be put to use. The vacancy only had a phone number to call for details, no email address.

Uh oh…I’d have to call to find out more about the vacancy and normally, I would leave this sort of vacancy well alone, but the thought occurred to me that if ever I wanted to conquer my fear of phone-calls, I’d need to make the leap and call someone eventually.

So, I actually managed to pluck up the courage to call 🙂 for the first time ever on my own initiative.

Was it a successful phone-call? No, no it wasn’t. As usual, I got tied up when I was asked a question I completely didn’t anticipate and panicked, then blundered my way to the end of the call and probably made myself out to be a right idiot.

My first instinct after this disaster was to curl up and swear I’d never call anyone again, and you know, I might not.

It was On this thought that I actually wrote this blogpost, to get it out of my head and onto the page, it worked very well, I feel relieved and from it, I also take another thought, although it wasn’t a successful phone-call, it was also a fantastic achievement for me to have made it in the first place and if that isn’t turning a negative into a positive 😉 I may eat my hat, if I had one!

Am I alone in this fear, do you have a similar problem?  Leave your thoughts or comments below 🙂



Sunday Apr 04 2010

The other day I joined up to Facebook. Yes yes, save your guffaws and retributions….

I did it because one of my collegues found my long-forgotten profile and decided to add me, so when I browsed onto the page hoping to decide about closing the account completely. But when I looked at this colleague’s page, it seemed that a few of my outside-of-work contacts were also using it, so I figured I’d give it a try and started to beef out the profile a bit.

On the surface – it looks like the usual bland social networks you have around the web these days, but the thing that gob smacked me was the sheer scale of it, how many people I knew were actually using it.

Doing some browsing around some friends from work’s profiles I see links and sub-links to people that I had though long since vanished from my life, usually old colleagues from years back but the sheer number of them is staggering. I guess after five years working at a place kinda gets you hooked up into its long shelf-life. An after image if you like, I’m still convinced that the magnitude of the absence of my work-home for so many years is still to sink in. It’s been four days now since I left the office for the last time and I’m beginning to realise its meaning for me.

Why so many days before reflecting on it?
Well, I’ve been busy, I had an interview on the very next day for a new job, a result of my blind applications of the night before. Tonight, though, I’ve been browsing around Facebook again and its giving twitter a new run for its money. Where twitter is generally anonymous, Facebook seems to have more of a life its own, nameless profile pages give way to an insight into real peoples lives and goings on and it leads to cool recollection and reflection, about the people I’ve came to know and have known through work, it feels kind of sad in a way, but I’m sure I’ll find a place for it in the dusty bookshelf of my life to date.

So a Facebook convert?
I don’t really know how to answer that question right now 🙂 I’ll give it some time to see what happens. Let me know your comments on Facebook or Twitter and why you use one or the other – I’d be interested to know what you think.

There comes a time when…

Wednesday Jul 01 2009

That phrase “Another Day Another Dollar” needs to be gutted, hung, and made to suffer a long lingering and painful death. People need to wake up and understand that if you keep doing work that you don’t enjoy or engage with, it will destroy you, your soul and anything else it can get its grubby little claws on. There always must be a line drawn as to how much you’ll let the little bugger consume of you before you use your crowbar and wrench yourself away.

Sure, you need to make money to keep the bills paid and food on the table, but that doesn’t mean you need to just sit there and let the bugger gorge itself on your essence and soul. There will almost always be an alternative out there if you look hard enough, but that safe secure feeling the bugger dupes you with will keep you feeling scared and anxious about ‘what’s out there’.

I guess, the best analogy to come up with in this case is that it’s like a cigarette addiction, the victim of the addiction keeps feeling safe and secure about smoking – so much so, that the notion of a life without that warm glow a cigarette gives you would just be horrifying or otherwise just terrible and foreboding. Then, of course, the cigarette will eventually take EVERYTHING from you – the key is not to let it.

I don’t smoke myself, so if anyone out there disagrees with the analogy, please let me know.

In other news, well there hasn’t been much of an update to make here – but I still kept my promise to post at least one blog post a week, better yet, there might be a few more coming either today or before the end of the week. It’s been a nasty couple of weeks to date, our project is in its death throws and its hectic as hell.

Still, again I hope to have another blog post or two soon 🙂 remember, you can catch me on Twitter @lisa107b if you wish to hook up and chat.


Finding the lost Inspiration

Tuesday Jun 23 2009

Well, this is the first blog post that will be submitted via email, so please forgive me if it all goes wonky with the formatting and stuff.

I couldn’t help but wonder at the point in trying to think about a new blogpost, yes – I want to keep my promise to post a new entry a week. Hopefully though, I’ll manage more – it depends on how things go 🙂

I’ve got lots on at the moment, I’d like to write some more of my story – but it’s been difficult for me to get into the mindset to allow the words to flow, there are a number of reasons for this.
One reason being that work, as usual, isn’t helping matters – it’s very dull and unchallenging. Seriously my mind just shuts down in the face of such dull mediocrity and I’m not just saying that to be funny, I find it quite a serious problem. A problem, which I hope to solve soon. Another reason is that I’ve not been getting a great amount of sleep lately either – its been very hot over here and we are not used to such weather, the timetables I must keep for the mediocrity is at the very least, exhausting – 05:30 up every morning, until 17:45 in the evening and then bed at 22:00 on the dot. I know some people have no problems with those times, but, I’m very much a night person and have to force myself to be a daytime one, which is simply not my naturally productive state.

I don’t see why everyone in the working world, has to start and finish at the very same time. The internet and the digital age ought to omit any backward need that, and, I might add, would make the problems of rush-hour disappear as well as helping to cut Co2 emissions, not that I see much substance to the concept of global warming(the planet has been changing climate for millennia), but that’s a debate for another day.

The lack of sleep though is not only a precursor for another bout of depression (having gone through one breakdown already this month) but also not the best antidote for a dose writers block.

Some writers use music for inspiration and I find that music does indeed help, but only when the music matches your mood – variety is the spice of life and all that!

Soundscaping can also help too, this is where the music your listening to actually paints a scene in your mind – these are usually instrumental pieces not slow classical but actual modern instrumentals. Think Philip Glass, the genius behind the music for Lord Of The Rings. If you listen to his music, you don’t need to have wathced the movies to imagine the scene he tries to paint in your mind.

I find that this kind of visualisation helps you escape the realities of your situation and let your mind explore its creativity, there are other methods for escape of course – but I can’t speak from experience there 😉 (Yellow Submarine, anyone?) for me though, I find the best way to clear my mind when I don’t have much time to relax in a soundscape, is progressive music – like dance music or any catchy tune, you know the ones you like to follow or tap your feet with.  There’s a technical and psychological reason for why we do that by the way – called Syncopation but again, that’s a story for another day 😉

I think I’ve rambled enough for one blog entry, I hope you found the patience to read through – wow 609 words yeesh!

If I had the same success with my writing, I’d be doing great!