New chaos – yay

Monday Apr 13 2015

There is something unsettling about a blank page, it seems to be more profound when you are viewing a backlit, LCD flat panel display blazing into your eyeballs. That’s one of the reasons I tend to write on paper first and find where the little rabbit hole leads this time, truth be told though, I have not written in a very long time on screen or not; but today was different.

Sporting a brand new kindle, I’ve been reading much more lately, and I still have books that  I’ve bought previously using the kindle android app that showed up when I logged into the kindle. Among these was a book containing the full works of Edgar Allen Poe, including the ubiquitous “The Raven” and reading that led me down this particular rabbit-trail.

It occurred to me rather suddenly, that an awful lot of the pieces we consider truly iconic nowadays stem from the 1800s works ranging from The Raven to Shakespeare and thence even to Sherlock Holmes all took place during these years. Even Charles Darwin’s work on the theory of evolution stems from that period in time.

All this raised the question in my mind, what was different in those times that resulted in such a wealth of work and our own modern times, containing decidedly less ‘classics’.

Aside from the obvious distractions and changes in technology,  like the internet, instant communication and television what really has changed?

I’m not talking in any literal sense here, perhaps a more metaphorical context, are we such a different people now as back then?

Is there something present in our minds now, that wasn’t there before; something that stops us being as creative as those in the 1800s ?

Whilst I was writing my thoughts on the paper copy however, an example of my point surfaced;

I literally stopped writing, and searched “What was it like to write in the 1800s?” and that, friends, perhaps tells the whole story…

A Reflective Morning

Tuesday Jun 24 2014

Well folks, it’s been another little while. No story this time though, my wanderings this morning covered topics like love, wandering, figuring out the puzzle of a Love. What is it exactly that makes people think about in terms of either a) Loving someone or b) Not loving someone?

To me, that concept seems overtly simplified. To me it seems like a far more intricately weaved puzzle than anything either A or B.

I am married, but married to a man who seems very distant emotionally but whom I cannot help but want to love, he’s a rogue, scoundrel and every bit the chivalrous gent, when he wants to be. But I’ll admit 😉 that’s not very often!

But there’s another side to him I can’t see, can’t feel, he keeps it very well buried, and no, I’m not talking affair here – it’s something he would never lower himself to doing without telling me, as I understand it from his personality anyway. After 10 years, you can’t help but feel you know these things, but I digress.

Nope, the puzzle I’m talking about is the parts sometimes we cannot face up to, truths we wish did not exist, or that we cover up. An emotional black hole that’s rent so many of us into so many tiny fragments that makes us hunt franticly for those little bits we’ve lost along the way.

Perhaps love is like that, two (or more) people hunting for their little fragments and  finding them, sometimes within each other.

The perfect relationship is perhaps not  at all like you see in the movies, perhaps it is far more nuanced than we typically give ourselves credit for.

 

Ever had that feeling that nothing ever goes to plan and you try and work out where you went wrong? Yup, I bet you have, most people seem to have had this problem at some point, if not, at a lot of points along the road. Well I just had one of those, just a few moments ago.

I wanted to elaborate on it, as its supposed to be good practice to write down stuff when you feel bad, helps clear the air and all that.

I’m sure for many people out there, picking up the phone to speak to someone isn’t all that hard to do, in fact you probably pick up the phone without a second thought, it is an entirely different case with me. I have a phobia about phone-calls, making them and receiving them. You see, I get tied up with worrying about providing instant answers and making sure I ask the perfect questions, so much so that I end up getting tied up worse when I actually do speak to someone. So usually I’ll avoid phone-calls like a plague, I’ll leave it to you to decide whether or not that’s a good thing.

So, on with the story, I have a small part time job that I don’t think I want to make a long-term thing – but, in order to move beyond it I need to strike out and find something. So to this end, I broke out the old email job-alerts from various recruitment sites again and found a position which does appeal to me. Its the sort of position my new Certificate In Counselling Skills (look me all prideful) could be put to use. The vacancy only had a phone number to call for details, no email address.

Uh oh…I’d have to call to find out more about the vacancy and normally, I would leave this sort of vacancy well alone, but the thought occurred to me that if ever I wanted to conquer my fear of phone-calls, I’d need to make the leap and call someone eventually.

So, I actually managed to pluck up the courage to call 🙂 for the first time ever on my own initiative.

Was it a successful phone-call? No, no it wasn’t. As usual, I got tied up when I was asked a question I completely didn’t anticipate and panicked, then blundered my way to the end of the call and probably made myself out to be a right idiot.

My first instinct after this disaster was to curl up and swear I’d never call anyone again, and you know, I might not.

It was On this thought that I actually wrote this blogpost, to get it out of my head and onto the page, it worked very well, I feel relieved and from it, I also take another thought, although it wasn’t a successful phone-call, it was also a fantastic achievement for me to have made it in the first place and if that isn’t turning a negative into a positive 😉 I may eat my hat, if I had one!

Am I alone in this fear, do you have a similar problem?  Leave your thoughts or comments below 🙂

NaNo NaNo

Thursday Oct 20 2011

A short while ago, I reported on my Twitter feed that I had been bludgeoned into joining the National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo for short, it is a 50,000 novel challenge in November where the idea is to "Write First, Ask Questions Later" in order to get the creative juices flowing at full-pelt so to speak. Initially I was sceptical that such a challenge would be doable for me and, in fact, I’d only signed up on the website to find out more – but as it turned out, the act of signing up actually made me a participant.

I was orginally planning to just ignore the fact that I’m a participant this time around and just look around anyway, but the idea itself actually seeded in my mind. There was that story I was thinking of writing for the #FlashFriday event, and I really started to think about actually trying NaNo out. Oddly enough the thought is like a virus, floating around, multiplying at an exponential rate before it evolved for me into a full-blown obsession!

So the idea started bobbing about with the NaNo virus and itself mutated into something tangible. It even got to the stage that my fingers were itching to put the first words to paper(they still do 🙂 ) but I’m holding out for the onset of the NaNo virus 😉 thankfully, it is just a week away and I’ve managed to find some wings for my idea and even got down an outline, a plan and possibly a plot, that is, in my head. But I need to actually sit the fudge down and start bringing it to life.

Which leads me down the garden-path to the concept of NaNo write-ins, a regional breakdown of NaNo participants that would usually meet during November for their regular write-ins. Another viral idea!

So I’ve now joined the regional writing group for Edinburgh, in Scotland for those that don’t know and I’m looking forward to meeting the others from the region to see and hear what their thoughts are.

A blank page…… oh how I hate blank pages, it pressures me into thinking oh my god what am I going to write here….. is there anything at all?

Which of course usually results in me procrastinating, or awaiting inspiration of some kind, seriously how gullible can we be? honestly, writing doesn’t just ‘occur’ to you, I guess the actual act of writing can be enough to make you think of something interesting, or even if its not I think the idea is that you write anyway, no matter what happens, try not to criticize what you are writing as you write it because then it can lead to your brain freezing. It might be that you tell yourself that you will never be able to write anything anybody will want to read, and you may be right, or not. At the end of the day, does it even matter?

The trick is to write I guess. Just Write what your thinking down and let the muse take you anywhere it wants to.

It’s sometimes even hard to write something like this down, because even now, I want to judge it see whether it is worthy of my attention for long and that in itself is a bad thing, because it can lead down the path to not writing at all and of course, if you don’t write at all, how will you ever learn to write?

I’m going to post this up to my blog, just as a snippet from my thoughts tonight and it needs a new post too 😉

Wanderings again….

Thursday Sep 22 2011

Well, it seems to have been an interesting day yesterday – not only did I leave my journal entry un-finished but I also managed to resurrect my Twitter account and started to write a new #FlashFriday post AND download and listen again to Chris Lester’s "Making the cut" a very interesting story and one of my favourites (its from 2008, you may need to look back in the feed a little) – linky: Metamorcity

So an all-together fascinating day, although I also remember some of the pitfalls of writing again, the staring at the page stuff you get when you just can’t think of what to say to fill out the story more, but I guess the more practice you get, the better you get at being able to stick with it and go with the flow.

It leaves me wondering indeed what happened to Tee’s podcast novel, Morevi – The Chronicles of Rafe and Askana, another I listened to and enjoyed a lot, linky: Tee Morris – and Phill Rossi’s Crescent too, of course, you’ll find that here: Crescent 😉

Its a funny thing too, because right at the time all this started to happen again, I started to read my books again – lol a series of seemingly unconnected events have came together for me again, so lets hope it may continue!

Time to shine again, Lisa

Wednesday Sep 21 2011

Okay world, time to start kicking the proverbial into gear, its been too long since I found any inspiration from anywhere, so I need to start simply to start typing and see where it leads. I’ve actually formulated a couple of interesting ideas for some new Flash Friday stuff – but damned if it’ll be difficult getting into the flow again, enough of the excuses though – get going.

I hate to spoil my ideas, but needless to say the thoughts going around are of the very abstract and quite frankly weird approach to the individual character and their world.

I’ve not put the proverbial pen to paper in so long, in a way it feels somewhat freeing to do it again, I think what I need is another dose of the Novel PI 😉
so what am I going to do (write) now…? 😉

Laters for anyone watching – I don’t think there will be many at this point though, the blog has been dead too long…